Saturday, April 6, 2013

Where did the time go?

 Age: 2 months

Weight: We'll find out Monday

Length: Again, we find out Monday

Size: Mostly 6 month clothes, yellow edge prefolds and size small diaper covers

Teeth: None thankfully!

Sleeping: He gets up every 2-3 hours to eat and he's much more alert for longer periods of time now. He also FIGHTS sleep like it's the devil during the day. He ONLY sleeps on me or  for brief (like 20 mins) times on his own swaddled like a mummy. You are a pretty decent sleeper at night. Sometimes you'll sleep in the bassinet and sometimes you wanna sleep right next to your food source :) 

Eating: Just mama's milk straight from the tap. We tried to introduce the bottle a couple of weeks or so ago. You took it great the 2nd time we gave it to you and now you want to boycott it again... we'll keep trying once a day and see how it goes. It's my milk, just the way it comes out is different. Please don't be as difficult as your sister was, it really stressed me out!

Movement: We've done tummy time and you liked it.

Milestones: last friday you cooed! I was beyond thrilled, the cooing made me so happy. I can't wait until you laugh... no I'm not trying to rush it but laughing babies makes me so happy!

Favorite Toys: Still your brother and sister :)

Likes: You love when I wear you in the ergo. If I could wear you 24/7, you would be oh so happy! Bella loved being worn too :) 

Dislikes: not being on mama!

Words/soundsCooing!
 
Nicknames: Bruddah (Grayson's word for Brother), handsome boy, son, Moose, Tank, bubba, bubs

Friday, March 15, 2013

I am an A student

It's 10:33pm and I'm still awake. I should be sleeping because the other babies are all fast asleep and the tiny baby (ok so he's not exactly tiny in the way of size) is fast asleep too. He'll likely wake soon which keeps me from sleeping because I know if I did go to sleep, he'd wake me right in the middle of my "good" sleep. So here I sit, awake, writing a blog instead of sleeping. I just finished filling out his baby book. I need to work on his brother and sister's books too but that'll have to come another day.

So yeah, I was an A student all through school. I would seriously cry if I got an A- or anything less than an A or an A+... I carry that into my adult life as well. It's hard for me to just let things be. It's hard for me to watch the laundry pile up, the dirty dishes fill the sink, the clean dishes remaining in the dishwasher, the dog hair on the floor, the toys EVERYWHERE, the messes all around me, the baby books that need to be filled up, the photos that need to be printed and put into albums... you get the idea. I have a hard time letting it go and just living life and enjoying it. I tend to stress out when things aren't organized and all in order. I'm getting better though.

This postpartum period I have let myself lay on the couch and just cuddle the baby. I have napped with Luca laying on my chest and fully enjoyed it. I have played with the "big" kids and just let the messes go. I'm learning, it's tough but I'm trying. That said, it's still 10:40pm now and I'm on the computer instead of nestled in my bed sleeping where I should be. I have a hard time sleeping when I KNOW that Luca will wake any second (he ate last at 8:30). So here I sit, blogging! The lack of sleep can never be made up. I'm letting things go a little at a time and trying hard not to let it stress me out. I can't be perfect all of the time.

Honestly though, this has been the best postpartum experience. I am learning to let it all go around me, well some of it anyways. I am happier than I've ever been, maybe because I feel complete, I feel totally whole. I'm working on getting my body back and paying attention to the things that go into my mouth, it feels good to know it's not for a lost cause (losing it and getting pregnant only to gain it all again). I'm trying to embrace the messes because it means that my toddlers are living life and having fun. I'm learning to let the laundry live in the basket because it'll just get worn again in a few days. I'm running on zero (ok not exactly zero but pretty damn close!) sleep and being happy anyways!


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Mama's tiny man

Dear Tiny,
Happy Birthday my sweet first born son. I can't believe it was 2 years ago today that I was holding your sweet little baby self in my arms. I was in awe of you. I fell in love all over again, once with you and once with your daddy. You came into the world at one of the saddest moments of my life. Your Papa John (my daddy) had just passed away suddenly two days before you came into the world. I was heart broken. I was scared of labor, of giving birth, of how I would bond with you, of post partum depression, of nursing you... it was like I was a first time mother all over again, only I was wasn't.

An amazing thing happened when Dr Williams placed you on my belly and I lifted you up to my chest. It's like you were the biggest bandaid for my broken heart. I held you, I nursed you, I bonded with you instantly. I fell so deeply in love with you. The hope that you brought to the world, the happiness you brought to my heart and soul. I survived labor and giving birth and there you were with your giant blue eyes, which are now hazel and your sweet little cherub cheeks. You were a BIG boy! I called you Moose, I called you Tank but for some reason, Tiny Boy is what stuck... maybe because you were so little in my arms and all of a sudden your sister seemed so big at just 19 months old.

You are a ray of sunshine in our life. You are mischievous, sneaky, sly, stubborn and sassy. You are TWO!! You are also sweet, cuddly, loving and sensitive. You love to be Bella's shadow, following her, learning from her, loving her. You are like a sponge that soaks up everything around you. Two year olds are fascinating little creatures to me. You are developing independence, yet need reassurance all at the same time. You love to have your brother on your lap. You constantly say "lap lap" so I know you want to hold him. You give him the sloppiest, juiciest, wettest kisses right on his little nectarine head. When his feet aren't covered by socks or jammies, you love to kiss them. You are such a sweet boy who loves to be cuddled and sung to.

I can't wait to see what your life brings. The world is your oyster and I am your mama, here to tell you to explore and encourage you. I promise to always be the best mama I can be, I promise to always strive to do better, to do more, to give all of me as your mother. I promise to encourage you and give you the confidence that you need so you can grow up into a great young man. I promise to always love your daddy and show you that our marriage is a priority. It's important that you see that your daddy loves me too so you can grow up to love someone like he loves me.

I love you my sweet boy. I love you more today than on the day you were born and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today. Happy Birthday!

Love, Mama

Friday, March 8, 2013

One month ago yesterday...


You came into our world and made our family complete. Honestly, I feel like our family is finally complete, you finished us off :) I always wanted four kids but sometime during my pregnancy with you, I decided that three would be a good fit for us. I've been embracing each little moment to it's fullest. The midnight feedings, the multiple times I get out of bed to rock, change, nurse or cuddle you. I'm happier than I've ever been. 

Your brother and sister are adorable. They love you more than anything. Bella especially, she calls herself the "big mama" and she says that I'm the "little mama". It's sweet. She always talks to you and kisses you. Grayson always says "lap" and "kiss" because he can't get enough of your fuzzy little nectarine head. The other night Bella woke up to come find me in the night. I was sitting, holding you on the couch. She asked me to come cuddle and bring you. I laid you between us and she sweetly kissed your head, she said "Hi Luca Ryan. You are so handsome. I love you so much". You can see the love in her face, you can feel the love oozing from her. Your brother on the other hand, that kid is busy! He's such a boy, so different from your sister. He's a climber, a hitter, a pincher. Then he follows it up with kisses and cuddles... I wonder what you will be like!

 Age: 1 month

Weight: I have no clue, at last check which was 2 weeks ago, Luca weighed almost 11 lbs.

Length: Over 22 inches!

Size: 3-6 month clothes, yellow edge prefolds and bursting out of the xsmall covers. 

Teeth: None thankfully!

Sleeping: He gets up every 2-3 hours to eat and he's much more alert for longer periods of time now

Eating: Just mama's milk straight from the tap. We tried to introduce paci's and you gag just like the rest of your siblings. Poor kid, I try not to torture you but your dad and sister want you badly to take a nuk. It doesn't matter either way to me. Last night, I caught you sucking on your tongue in your sleep just like Bella STILL does!

Movement: You have the strongest neck of any baby I know and pretty good head control.

Milestones: YOU SMILED!! A few days ago now but it's with such purpose and it makes me SO happy! It makes being a mom and feeding and getting up at all hours so much more rewarding.

Favorite Toys: Do your brother and sister count as toys? They are the most entertaining things in this house!

Dislikes: Being away from mama! So far, you are a serious mama's boy. I can console you better than anyone else even if it's not by nursing. I put my lips right by your ear and make a "Shhhh" sound. You love that, that and moving around. Pretty typical for a breastfed baby of this age though. You are NOT a fan of the swing at all, you much prefer the bouncy seat. 

Words/soundsNone yet, starting to try to make some noises though
 
Nicknames: Bruddah (Grayson's word for Brother), handsome boy, son, Moose, Tank, bubba, bubs

Monday, February 25, 2013

Nobody love this baby

Not even a single teeny tiny little bit! It's terrible I know :) If you haven't figured it out, I'm clearly kidding. I said to Ryan the other day "What a lucky little guy to come into a family with such little lovers everywhere".  Here's a little picture update.
Ryan and Grayson helping us get Luca ready for his first bath.

Trying to get a picture of all 3 of them. This was Saturday Feb 9th, the day Luca and I came home from the hospital.

Bella did not want to leave us! She said "but mama I can stay here, you guys will miss me when I leave"... boy did we ever! I missed the 2 big kids. That said, it was really nice to just hang out with Luca and talk with him and cuddle him. Coming into the world, it's important to get a little one on one time!

Hanging out before bed. Grayson playing with a barbie, good thing he has a brother now!

 Grayson giving Luca a once over and making sure he's all good. Grayson LOVES rubbing his little nectarine head. It's so fuzzy, it's just like a nectarine!

How Bella is happiest these days. She's declared she's the "Big mama" and I'm the "little mama"

It's been 2 weeks and a few days. We're adjusting to our new life of having three. It's busy, it's crazy, it's madness, it's messy, it's fun. It's everything I ever wanted. I seriously couldn't be happier (or more sleep deprived!) It's like a zoo all of the time, it's our zoo! I couldn't imagine life any other way, honestly. I'm getting a little sleep here and there. Luca is eating like crazy. At 2 weeks, he already weighed 10lbs 10oz and grew an inch. 

Breastfeeding is going well, other than some overactive letdown. We're working through it. It's never easy the first few weeks. That said, I've been very blessed to have kids that all take right to breastfeeding. No serious challenges. Grayson says "Bewbies" and Bella offers to help "hold" his food. I've assured her that I've got it under control. I'm sure she'll be happy when she can give the baby a bottle. 

So two weeks down, another 18 + years to go. It goes by SO fast. Everyone said it before I had kids and now I know it to be true. We're closing the door to this chapter of our life. Luca is our last baby. I'm cherishing each and every little moment. I'm holding him a ton, I'm trying to nap with him when I can. I'm trying to get the older kids involved as much as possible, it's important because they are so very important too. I swear the day we brought Luca home, Bella grew 2 feet and Grayson's vocabulary is ever expanding. It's insane. We're embracing it, the ups and the downs. My life is awesome. My family is amazing. I'm happier than I've ever been. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Welcome to our world, Luca Ryan!

Our sweet boy is almost a week old, how is that even possible? I think that almost daily about each of our children, like OMG how can my first son be almost 2 and OMG when did Bella's legs get SO long? They grow so quickly. I guess I should post his birth story since after all the blog is for my kids, so they can know me, understand me and feel my emotion through this outlet.

I had fallen asleep on the couch around 9 and at 10:05pm Ryan woke me up to come to bed, I sat up and my water broke. Just like that, I said "Oh shit, my water just broke, are you ready to have a baby?" My husband just said "oh shut up" and I said "No really, for real, my water broke". I went to the bathroom and more came out. I told Ryan to pack up and I got in the shower to shave my legs and just try to wake myself up a bit. Ryan came in and did his typical dance on his toes and said "what should I be doing right now?" We both laughed and I told him to pack what he thought he needed and call his dad to let him know that we'd be needing him to watch the kids. He came in and out of the bathroom about 3 times all antsy and very adorable and finally I said "do what you need to do so I can shower" and out he went. He was excited, sweet guy!

At 11pm his dad came over and 11:10 another gush of water came out. I changed quick and we left to get some food on the way. We stopped at McDonald's around 11:40pm. We had to go to 3 different McDonalds before we found one that was opened. Go figure! All the while, I was having contractions in the truck about every 10 minutes. At 12:20 am we arrived at West Allis Memorial and got to the triage room, where we met our nurse for the night, Scottie Lynn. She checked me around 12:50am, I was dilated to a 2.5, baby was at -2 station and the test to see if it was actually my water that broke was positive. My contractions totally stopped at this point.

From 12:50am to about 2:30 am I sat hooked up to a monitor trying to get a tracing on the baby. Every time Scottie would find the baby, baby would flip over. Finally they got the tracing and I was able to walk around from about 2:30 until about 3:30 am. Scottie and I thought that if I walked, the contractions might start up again. Ryan slept on the couch, although he swears he wasn't sleeping. I took multiple pictures of him and he didn't flinch, so I'm still standing my ground that he was asleep. I walked until about 4am when the contractions were really becoming painful, I woke Ryan up to help me through them. Scottie checked me, I was only dilated to a 3.5 and baby was -2 station still. Scottie started my IV and I was crying in pain. I kept trying to breathe through them but I was having a tough time and I asked for the epidural.

Dr Campbell came in at 4:30am. He was quite a jerk to Scottie, go figure. At 4:38 am, they did a test dose and Scottie said my contractions were "Coupling" which meant they were one on top of each other and there was no break between them. The epidural finally started working, only the side effect that I had was itching like a crack head. OMG it was nuts, I felt like I wanted to scratch my skin off!

At 5:20, I was dilated to a 6.5-7cm and baby was at a 0 station. Scottie was shocked that I dilated in about an hour from a 3.5 to a 7! At 6:10 am, there was only a "lip" of the cervix, which means I was almost fully dilated and baby was at 0 station. She had me lay on my right side and sit up to try to bring baby down.

Scottie called the OB, who was Dr Dolan. She had me do a trial push at some point and then had me stop mid push because she said "if you don't stop, I'll be delivering this baby". Dr Dolan came in, gowned up and then I started pushing with the next contraction. Turns out, I pushed once then Dr Dolan told me to look down and see my baby. The baby was out to about his tummy. I could see his dark purple face and his mouth open like he wanted to cry but no noise came out. I said "Oh My GOD!" Then I took one more breath and pushed again and out he came. Dr Dolan lifted him up, we saw that "it" was a BOY and Dr Dolan put him on my bare stomach/chest. I pushed for ONE contraction so about 60-90 seconds. He stayed there for an hour, he nursed and I held him and cried, I cuddled him and enjoyed those moments. It was so serene and peaceful.

Luca Ryan was born on February 7th at 6:59 am, weighing 9lbs 7 oz and 21.5 inches long. I'm thrilled that we have another boy. I can't even explain it. I didn't care initially but once he was here and he was out, this mama was happy the way everything turned out. Bella will have 2 brothers to protect and love her. She will always be Daddy's only girl. Grayson will have a brother so close in age to play sports with and be rough and tumble boys with.

It was by far the easiest labor and the easiest delivery out of all of my babies. Ryan said right away "you were a rockstar, that was amazing"

I've been completely blessed. For the first time in my life, I feel like our family is complete. I feel completely content with our little babies, with my life, my husband, my world, I'm at a very peaceful place. Yes I've cried, yes I'm still emotional, I mean come on, I gave birth a week ago, the hormones are still raging.

Ryan told me tonight that this time I'm a rockstar and that I'm doing better post partum than I have with any of the kids. He commented how happy I was even going on no sleep. I actually feel pretty good. I'm trying to embrace all of the moments a little more. Tonight, I read a book (The Little blue truck) to Grayson over and over again, I think we read it 4 times. He loves that book. I sat on the floor with Bella after Grayson went to bed and we colored, the 3 of us, Ryan, Bella and I. Both times, I wasn't distracted about what I could have or should have been doing. I just enjoyed the moments with my babies.

My heart overflows with joy, with love, with peace. I'm at a good place. I'm in love again. I fell in love with husband, I fell in love with my daughter and I've fallen in love with each of my sons.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Almost full term, for real full term


How far along: I'll be 40 weeks in 2 days, making this the longest I've ever been pregnant.

Total weight gain: 39 lbs on Monday

Baby's weight: Continuing to grow each day he/she is baking

Baby's Heart rate: 150's on Monday

Sleep: Back to having a cold, go figure. I'm being a super nervous Nelly about this baby getting sick. The flu (like the real live Influenza A and B) are rampid here, it's insane and it's making me insane...especially since I'm the one who's currently coughing, haking and blowing my nose.

Best moment of the week: Taking a couple of well needed mental health days, it's not like I did anything fantastic, I just took some me time.

Gender: who knows! I keep going back and forth.I honestly think I'll be shocked though if it's a girl.

Names: Mariah Jade or Luca Ryan

Movement: It's slowed down a little today more so than it has in the past.

Food cravings: I'm still kind of over food. I'm also hungry all of the time.

Labor signs: I've had cervical pain since yesterday when I had Dr Carlson strip my membranes... which by the way, hurt like hell! I seriously almost came off of the table it hurt so bad. So today (TMI, consider that your warning) I've been losing my mucus plug. I never lost it with Grayson, only with Bella and only after my water had already broke. It's quite gross honestly. I keep thinking I'll go into labor today or tomorrow... we'll see!

Dilation: As of Monday, no real progress so to speak of in the last week. Still 1.5 cm and my cervix is still thick and closed. He did say that the head is down further than it was the week before so I guess that's a bonus.

Belly button: I can't believe it's not an outie at this point.

What I miss: Not having a damn cold so not fair to be this pregnant with a cold!

What I'm looking forward to: Going into real live labor, I'm starting to wonder if this kid will be  baking until he/she is 4 and come out walking/talking with a full set of teeth!

~This mama is SOOOOO pregnant and ready to pop!